Why JULY?

 It's been a year since my father died and yes, it seems like yesterday. Too fast and really heartbreaking~

I am living day by day always randomly thinking of the memories and letting myself feel the pain over and over again. I get by with help or laugh with friends and also random talks with my mother. Also, one cute fluffy handsome puppy has my affection since this year.

Walking up to him, cuddling him, training and baby talking him everyday. It makes everything else bearable. From work, to people, to debts and to loss-

I let my guard down, I was too happy and too trusting that everything seems okay.

I pour my heart out to this cute little pup that always makes our day and never thought about circumstances/sudden emergencies that might happen.

Two days ago he was too lazy to play and didn't eat or drink at all. My mother had to rush him to the vet for consultation but the vet said they can go home since my baby is still under observation. The following day, I had to go to the vet again to tell the vet that he has symptoms of diarrhea and vomiting. In panic but always trusting that GOD and Loki will make it through.

He was a fighter 'till the end. Never whimpered to pain, he tried his best to drink but still vomited. Walked around the house even though very weak and very tired.

We had to admit him but at 8am today, the vet sent a message that our baby Loki died.

I don't know what to do or feel, I felt guilt because I had to leave him at the vet. I felt angry because the vet had too many inconsistencies when I recalled our conversation. I felt sorry for Loki because we couldn't do anything. I felt that this is all too much.

Why now? Why is happiness short lived? He gave his all to comfort us during the loss of my father.

He was the source of funny and laughter in our house recently. Why? Why too short for such a perfect pup? I couldn't ask for any dog but only him-Loki. I hope that God will grant my wish and be like the movie "A Dog's Journey Home". Let Loki come back in another dog. Same personality, talent and cuteness.

I hope for another dog but not too soon. I know God will never give us something we can't handle but every day, I would ask this out of the blue to myself-WHY JULY?

 

JUST

Just as i go through days and days more to come..i always think what makes me go through all of it.
Just as relevant as it is now, it will suddenly hit you out of nowhere..just as today, i want to cry out but for no reason at all.
I am always saying this is just a phase...i know what makes strong and better but it still creeps once in a while..
Like i want to go out, ride on a rolletcoaster scream my heart out hoping it will go away..
Seriously, i am not problematic as you prob think i am..My family is healthy-couldn"t ask for more..just got a regular job, i eat well and can buy what i want, travel.frequently, has a good relationship.with my boss and co workers and i have friends too...
I just..i just..i just...don't understand

CATCH UP!

Ever wonder what happened to me after the Nepal story like two years ago? yes, I know-you are all thinking that maybe I got lost and nowhere to be found while solo traveling or maybe she got amnesia and forgot about this blogging thing~well, suprise-I am back! Sorry to burst your bubble guys.

The sure thing is, a lot of things happened- If a lot of things are going on in my life, I get hay wired. I guess it's old age or just making reasons not to blog. Anyway, excerpts from the past two years-if I can still recall the highlights of it-

1. If you back read my entry like 2015-I was supposed to go to Nepal but forces of nature interfered. So, I went to Malaysia and Indonesia (not Jakarta but Yogyakarta!) weeeeeehhhh-tap on my back

2. Went to manila to be feel like a tourist-really crazy but fun adventure

okay-writer's block. Will think more soon. Laziness kicked in and these are just travel highlights. Will dig on my FB and phone pics for memory recall. hehehe.

See you around guys!

Ciao!

INSOM-YUCK THOUGHTS

My first love came to me like a summer breeze...

Warm, comfortable and easy flowing.

The touch..the brief sensation gave me refuge

I liked it, I will always look forward to it

I got used to it...

It grew in me..

It made me happy...

But as memories grow...

It stayed forever...

I gave my all...

Now, I long for the summer breeze..

The one that I used to feel everyday,

On dark nights,

On lonely times...

I am left alone, are you coming back?

Time must have kept you from me..

Now, I am numb..

My summer breeze love has left me...

ATM

naega...chigum kippeun anhaengbokhae.. ttamunae na otton saramya. kippeunisso..moriiseo..sarangiseo...

krundae, yorobon...naega ansaenggakhae..yorobon iyagihae-nuguya?
neh, nuguya? neh, wae irroke? neh, wae hangsang silpuenhae... wae na andwae?

Manyage, guenyang manyagae...nae gojoeyo... yorobon nae saengakallkayo?
geu yojaga pulsanghaeyo...

neh, na pulsanghaeyo...
choeun ja...yorobon choeun ja!!
annyeong~

CLOSE CALL- MY SUPPOSED TO BE NEPAL TRAVEL

I am sharing this because I still can't believe it until now and just now, reality sink in. Earlier today while taking my afternoon nap, I heard my mobile phone echoed a notification-a familiar Line notification. Normally, it is just some contest or a celebrity account that notifies users about some activities. I reached out for it, and saw the preview of the message on the screen- HAVE YOU KNOWN IT? It was from Kenji-san. Still dizzy, I got a weird feeling. Three messages - Hey!Bad news, Earthquake in Nepal and Have you known it? It was just right in time for me to wake up to prepare for my class. I replied-No, Oh My!- my usual reply by the way. I didn't panic thinking-no, maybe he is just exaggerating. The next reply was - Check it now! I obliged. So, with an empty mind and dizzy feeling- I searched " Nepal earthquake now" And then- there it was. Shocking news and pictures of people injured. 

Okay, I am supposed to fly to Nepal next week - May 3, 2015 (originally, May 2 but AirAsia moved it). All set! tickets-check, accommodation-check, list-check, camera-check, mind and body ready-check, and my bags-almost done! It's the time of the year that I go solo traveling. Why Nepal? Two reasons- first, flying back from Thailand-I saw on an in flight magazine about Kathmandu and Nepal. Got interested. And the influencing one? watched Nine Times Nine Travel Korean drama ( which I didn't finish 'till the end). That's it. A lot of friends always ask me-why? why? why? My usual reply, I want to see the majestic Himalayas. I fell in love with it, the more I planned about it. It took me a year to prepare, a year to set my mind and body for another challenge and a moment to make me realize that anything can happen.

Maybe, I am not meant to meet the majestic Himalayas this time. This plan was supposed to happen last March 2015 but due to a co-worker's leave of absence-I moved it. FYI: A Turkish airplane skid the runway before my flight to Nepal (March 4, 215). They rescheduled my flight due to delay. I decided to change it before that news to May 2015.

Now, that I look back-it was a close call. Had I made my booking earlier than May 3, 2015-I could have been in Nepal during the earthquake. Now, that I look at heartbreaking pictures on the internet- I felt that part of me is in Nepal. I felt sad though I haven't been there and regret that I didn't get the chance to experience the wonderful country before its devastation. There is always next time-they say and Thank God for guiding me in my travels. Now, I want to cry because I felt I was given another chance to be thankful for this life. Thank Lord God and may you continue to guide me in my travels and whatever I will do.

OUT OF THE BLUE..

Things are pretty surprising and at the same time-exciting! Work is just so-so but it certainly is challenging because of the changes in the workplace. Enough of the work related issues, who knows what will happen tomorrow or the next month? so, I'll just sit back and relax while everyone's else is too preoccupied.

I am just getting this thing out of my mind- frankly my dear, (i don't give a damn..lol) there are many decisions I have made because I have been considering one factor for the past few months. Things that I somewhat regret that I should have done. Geezzz..I am really naive. At my age, I think I am still naive on that area. Okay, I am beating around the bush here and that is exacty my point. I'll leave it all up to your imagination. (that is if you have room for some imagination..hehehe)

Well, they said that maybe you need to decide more on something bigger but this "factor-that isn't even a factor" is hindering my thoughts. Crazy noh?

I need to go on a trip but that trip is not what I expected it to be. I need to decide to go to A or B..If I go to A, no more B next year. If I decide to go B then no A (which I think is tempting me at least!)

I have to decide on many things this year..not just trips, but a lot more important things. A lot of things are running in my mind. Things that keep me sane are food, online shopping, window shopping, online teaching and friends that are sane as I am.

I need to go on a roadtrip soon. Thinking of going somewhere a bit far so that I can listen to my playlist for more than one hour and go to that popular cafe once I get there. Go home before midnight (lol) and have some recollection on life. Might catch a foreign film one of these days and try to blog about it. ( well, I said TRY..) I need to bake cookies and also try kimbap before I get interested on other foreign recipe^^

I have to try Vietnamese food this year and that Japanese steak that screams- RARE!! (but I like mine well-done) or might try medium rare..

See? I have a lot in mind but these are just few of my crazy thoughts..The "factor" is still there and every now and then, I get rid of it but sometimes I am too friendly that I still entertain the idea..lol

Oh, did I mention I am rooting for Netherlands? I am sure I haven't (I checked it!). Anyway, see you after the World Cup finals then..^^

Ciao!