I must be on a lucid interval moment tonight..If you happen to read some of my old posts, I have been talking to one guy consistently for almost two years..(purely business but some fun in between). Talking to my other student earlier, we were exchanging stories about our admiration on someone.. It was fun but she asked if I admire/like someone now..I said yes but I guess that guy never knew. Our relationship is like a cat and dog, we fight, we bore each other on some occasions, we laughed, we sometimes talked things crazily but it's a cycle. If someone will ask me now or probably probe my reason why I talked to him and why I endured that long..probably it is my feeling toward him and the interesting personality he has..I know this is a one-sided love..for all I know, I don't have the personality and characteristics he looks for in a woman..seess!! isang malaking pangarap!! If he knows how to ruined my night sometimes, probably tonight is my chance of ruining his..
Until now, I am blaming myself and repeating the word.."what the hell were you thinking Shieryl?"..I sure know how to ruin a good talk and night..and again, the long messages were sent tonight hoping to ease someone's situation. One word stuck on my mind tonight and but I'll just keep it to myself..That word made me realize where I stand in his life..just a teacher, a friend, an acquaintance and an employee. No more no less..At some point, I was thinking there was something special going on between us..at times, I feel some kind of jealousy..I felt ugly, I felt poor sometimes..(yeah, considering I am from a third world country)
Somewhat, I understood him..I want this job, I love this job..I enjoy this job and it's too comfortable too let go~ or maybe that job is already becoming him. (job = him) martyr lang ang peg..they've been very kind to me..I couldn't ask for anything more, I can probably say "yes" in a heartbeat..
If he only knew, or could he have read the actions and signs..then it would be great!!arrrggghh, jigeum..nae mame..neomu appayo..jungmal neomu appa.
